Over the past several blog posts, we’ve focused on each of the individual competencies within the CASEL social-emotional learning framework. So far, we have talked about the first four competencies – self-awareness, self-management, social awareness and relationship skills. Today, we will dig into the final competency – responsible decision making.
I think we can all agree that the skills within this competency are probably the ones that keep most parents awake at night. How do we teach our kids to not only make decisions but make RESPONSIBLE decisions?
This skill is critical to a child’s safety and really sets the tone for the kind of person they will become. Making responsible decisions really encompasses so many different facets of a child’s life – behavior, personal safety, social interactions, their well-being and the well-being of those around them. The list goes on and on.
While there are so many different skills within this competency, there are a few key strategies we can teach kids to set a strong foundation for responsible decision making all the way through adulthood.
Teach kids to identify bullying and know what to do about it
Kids need to know what bullying is – what it looks like, what it sounds like and what they can do about it. Talk about the different types of bullying (physical, verbal, social and cyber). Help them to understand that bullying means repetitive, unwanted, aggressive and one-sided behaviors that target a specific person or group. Empower kids with the tools to recognize bullying, stand up for the person being bullied and seek help from an adult.
There are so many amazing tools online to help teach kids about bullying. This website is a great place to start and includes a wealth of information and resources to support you.
Teach kids to advocate for themselves
If we are going to give kids the tools to stand up for other people, we should probably also give them the tools to stand up and advocate for themselves. This is something that I have really been working on with my 2nd and 5th graders for the past year or so.
Begin by talking through social situations your child encounters after the fact. My children often come home from school upset about something that was said or done to them. In those situations, I always review with them what is ok for them to say and/or do. For example, if my preschooler mentions that someone hit him because they wanted the toy he was playing with, the conversation may go something like this:
Me: Did you tell him not to hit you, that you don’t like that?
Preschooler: No, I told on him.
Me: If someone is hurting you, it’s ok to say, “Don’t hit me. I do not like that.” You can stand up for yourself. Then, if he doesn’t stop, you can find an adult to help you.
This takes time and practice, but it’s so worth it. Not only am I modeling what is ok to say and do, I’m helping my kids understand that they don’t always have to rely on an adult to solve their problems.
With older children, the situation may involve an adult such as a teacher. Those are important conversations to model as well because you’re helping your child understand how to handle a situation in which they are likely uncomfortable and unsure of themselves.
Introduce kids to the decision making process
I really like this visual for teaching the decision making process from Kiddie Matters because it is simple to follow and fairly self-explanatory. Go over each step of the process, model what it might look like and practice by applying it to a variety of situations to give kids practice.
If we give kids the foundation for making responsible decisions when they are young, we can support them in applying it to more complex decisions as they get older.
Stop, Think, Act Strategy
This is a fantastic strategy for kids to have in their toolbox for a variety of situations. It can be used as a coping skill, a problem solving strategy or a way to make responsible decisions. The idea behind this strategy is that kids stop and take a moment to think through the situation, decision, problem, etc. before acting. This allows kids to be more reflective and proactive rather than impulsive and reactive. That’s never a bad thing!
Know the difference between above the line and below the line behaviors
You may remember this strategy from the post on relationship skills, and that’s ok! There is a lot of overlap within the competencies.
I don’t remember where I first heard that term, but it has stuck with me for years now. Above the line behaviors are positive and below the line behaviors are negative. Another way to think of it is above the line behaviors are characteristic of a healthy friendship or relationship while below the line behaviors are those reminiscent of an unhealthy relationship. Create an anchor chart of each type of behavior or the traits of a good friend. Read and discuss stories with examples of strong, healthy relationships, as well as ones where bullying or unhealthy relationships are happening. Help students understand that everyone is deserving of healthy relationships and, depending upon age, discuss ways to seek help if they are involved in an unhealthy relationship.
It’s helpful for kids to have a solid understanding of this, as it will (hopefully!) inform their own decision making regarding their behavior, personal safety, advocacy of others and relationships.
Have other ideas of great strategies for building decision making skills in kids? Share them with me!
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